arrogance

I read half of Bills story in the aabb last night before bed. I've read it before a few times and I notice new things everytime. Like last night I saw that arrogance and self-centeredness Bill had early on in myself at one point. Before I had kids I lost a bunch of weight using sparkpeople and exercising constantly. I did find a pretty good rhythm for a while but I started getting stricter and stricter, then eventually I got pregnant and totally lost it all and was never able to white knuckle it that way again.

I remember feeling so good about how under control I was, how perfect everything was going, how on top of the world and unstoppable I felt... But it was all just a phase. In only lasted a year. I remember a few months after I had my son I was struggling really bad, gaining weight back I had relost, and having no idea how to stop it. I was searching the Internet and came across OA the first time and read step one and stopped there. I thought it sounded dumb and weak. How could I be powerless over FOOD? It was food, nothing more. Oh how arrogant and naive I was.

I tried another year to get control over my eating and lose weight but all I managed to do was slowly gain about 15 lbs and went from starving myself for days and binging for weeks. I tried all my old tricks, lots of new ones and couldn't get anywhere. I thought I was insane, weak, stupid... Pathetic..... When I finally came back to the oa site and reread step 1 and took back my first thoughts on it. I had proven to myself that year that I was indeed powerless over food and my life was unmanageable.

Thank God I don't have to manage my food on my own anymore!