In the food...

I have not been doing well. I've been binging and eating compulsively... For days now..

I'm very tired.. Feeling weak... I'd like to move forward but I'm feeling shaky and afraid. I do well for a few weeks and fall out of it lose my abstinence and its so hard to get it back.

Dear Lord, my savior,

I'm crying out to you tonight to show me the grace I need right now. I'm afraid please take away my fear and give me back the confidence I've had the last few weeks. Help me rediscover myself and your strength. Remind me to wake every morning in and put my armor on to face each day and the battles within them. I know this walk is a tight rope act and need to keep my arms out to have balance. Lord take away my guilt and shame from the last few days and forgive me of my sins. This recovery is a gift from you and I claim it in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Monday Night

I have a confession to make.

Monday night we ordered Chinese food and I got egg foo young. Although I did not touch the rice I did eat all three huge patties, two big pieces of my husband's general tso's, and four crab rangoons. This was a binge. A small one for me, but a binge nonetheless.

Obviously I cannot have Chinese food anymore. It's that saltiness that gets to me. I have to be very careful.

I also have noticed on days I work out I have a really hard time with my food.

I have jumped right back on the wagon and am doing well again. Although this morning as I sit here I'm craving.

I have to bake a birthday cake today for my son's birthday party, then tomorrow I will be around the cake and pizza. I am trying to focus on the the fact that it's about him and not about the food. I am formulating a plan to help myself get through the food part. After hubby gets his peice of cake tomorrow any leftover will be put into the dumpster outside.

I am weak. I can't do this without God's strength. Today I'm praying for that strength and will pray to Him every moment I face temptation in the next couple days. Join me in prayer.

breakfast for dinner-- weird fruit fly trap-- & physical

No breakfast today-- I had to fast for blood tests for my physical.  

Lunch- Taco Bell -- fresco bean burrito, chicken cantina bowl (holy yum)

Snack- popcorn and 2 peices of turkey bacon (this was also my son's very nutritious dinner... he's on an eating strike so if he will eat it and its relatively healthy I let him...)

Breakfast for dinner!

WW English muffins for my hubby's dinner (nope, no bread for me)

Dinner- scrambled eggs, 2 sausage patties, baby carrots, glass of mango kefir

the crazy fruit fly trap from pinterest that WORKS!

I had to get my blood drawn today at the doctor so no breakfast for me :(  I was so hungry.  I had a snack before I went to bed last night(a couple leftover meatballs) to help tide me over until I could eat again.

I just realized I forgot to post my weigh-in for the week this week!  I was 265.2 on Monday- I lost 3.8 lbs last week! Wee!  I was bad and peeked again this morning and it looks like I have lost another 2 lbs since Monday :)

For lunch I had taco bell but I think I could have done without the burrito- I was really full afterward.  I think its so cool I can eat so little and be full.  Its been a while since I felt that way.

Today was an INTENSE day for me.  I had totally forgot to phone my friend earlier in the week to see if I could drop off my son with her and I ended up planning that literally minutes before I needed to be at my appointment.  Not only that, but fasting makes me very cranky and my son is fighting me about eating his meals, refused breakfast and acted like a total BRAT all morning (I still love him though)... then because they tore up my street and were repaving it I had to park my car down the block (as I mentioned earlier this week) so I had to put my daughter's car seat in the stroller and practically drag my awesome so super well-behaved almost-3-year-old down the street and put them in the car before rushing to my friends to drop him off... I swear I caught ever red light on the way there (WHY does that always happen when you're in a hurry??) and I made it right on time.  The appointment went well- my doctors office is really slow, I'm always there for like 2+ hours, so I didn't get out of there until it was almost 1 pm and was STARVING so I went to the bank, got cash, went to taco bell- which was closed because they had no power- left to go find somewhere else to eat and got stuck at a not-working red light intersection with a police officer who did NOT want to let the left turn lane I was in GO (seriously the dude skipped us like 3 times), then while I was trying to figure out where to eat I remembered where another taco bell was so I went there, sat in the parking lot and finally ate.  Then I went to pick up my son, got gas in my car (all while he was screaming bloody murder because he was tired and grumpy-- and also probably hungry), went home, parked my car a million miles away from my house, pushed the stroller and CARRIED my hysterical 36 lb toddler up my driveway and thought I'd let him push the garage button to cheer him up and come to find out the power is out at my house (just guess how he took that...).  By the time we all got in the house I just wanted to go to bed!!  He really enjoyed watching all the ruckus going on and after they paved the road he said "MOMMY! They fixed the road!!!!" Then the power turned back on and we watched the first Cars movie so we could watch Lightening McQueen fix the road.

I suppose I have to talk about the fruit fly trap.  We've had fruit flies buzzing around my kitchen sink driving me crazy and attacking my bananas.  Someone pinned THIS on pinterest today and I had all the stuff and so figured why not.  And it works!

I had no idea what to make for dinner so my hubby picked breakfast for dinner and I went with it because its super easy.  I got to go to the grocery store by myself tonight which was nice.  But I think after I'm done writing this I'm having a beer.

I have to say though... even with all this craziness I'm glad this is my life.  It could be so much worse and God has seriously blessed me with a wonderful healthy happy family.  After my physical today, it looked that I am pretty healthy (still a few more tests we have results to wait for)... and thank GOD for that!

Lean Mean Meatballs!

I love these meatballs, and so does my family.  No bread crumbs!  I use instant oatmeal.  I like it better because its more nutritious and it keeps the meatballs moist.  And the sauce has a special ingredient- cinnamon- if you've never had cinnamon in your spaghetti sauce you're in for a treat.  Its adds a massive amount of depth to the dish and not to mention it smells phenomenal!

What you'll need:

• 1 lb 97% lean ground beef (or turkey, whatever you prefer- its tasty with both)
• 1.5 tbsp italian seasoning*
• 1 tbsp onion powder*
• 1 tsp paprika*
• 1 tbsp cinnamon*
• 2 jars Ragu Light pasta sauce
• 1.5 cups intant oats
• 2 eggs

In a small mixing bowl, combine beef, italian seasoning, paprika, onion powder, oats, and eggs.  I like to use my hands and really squish it all together.  If it seems too wet, add a little more oats.  In a medium-large sauce pan pour in one jar of sauce, add cinnamon and stir.  Form meat mixture into balls and add to the sauce.  After all the meat is added to the sauce pour the second jar of sauce on top.  Cover and heat on medium heat for 30-45 minutes- or until meatballs are cooked through.  Serve on spaghetti pasta, buns (like a meatball sub), or spaghetti squash.  We also like to cut up cheese and put it in the center of the meatball before cooking (try it!).  This recipe does really well in the crockpot too- heat on high for 4 hours.

*measurments are approximate

food photojournal

Breakfast- 2 eggs, diced onion, spinach, 1/2 avocado, 1/2 grapefruit, coffee

Lunch- Salmon w/ sauteed onion, LF cottage cheese, bell pepper, baby carrots, hummus, 1/2 avocado

Dinner- 97% lean ground beef meatballs (recipe), spaghetti pasta (forgot to pick up my squash), 1 cup decaf coffee with 1/8 cup whole milk

I've been abstinent for 8 days now!  Woohoo!  I feel awesome and its cool how I can tell when I'm teetering and can use my tools to catch myself.  Loving life right now.  

I took my kids to the park today and ran into someone I know so that was nice.  Its getting so cold already! We went to the store and got new snowboots for my son and new mittens because his are lost as usual.  I had intended to pick up a spaghetti squash to have with my meatballs tonight but I forgot.  I did however get some decaf coffee (sooo HAPPY about that!).  

food photojournal for Monday

Breakfast- 2 eggs, 1 breakfast sausage, 1/2 grapefruit, 1/4 cup steel cut oats,6 oz mango kefir 

Lunch-  fruit salad, chicken breast, carrots with hummus

snack- fruit salad with grahams

Dinner- Steak with Peas

food photojournal- forgot to publish yesterday, sorry!

YESTERDAY'S MEALS (SUNDAY)

Breakfast- 2 eggs, bell pepper, onion, zuch- 1/2 grapefruit

Lunch- 1 chicken breast, 1/2 grapfruit, romaine salad with carrots, onions, and french dressing

snack- (1/2 is eaten already ;-) 100% whole wheat english muffin -toasted, 1 slice oscar meyer turkey breast, 1 oz cheddar cheese, melted

Dinner- General Tso's Chicken w/mixed veggies, steamed rice- apprx 1 cup (rice and chicken together)

My snack was my son's unwanted lunch... and my dinner was my husbands leftovers.  He wanted chinese and for once I said no and didn't order any.  When it came down to cooking myself dinner we were pretty low on groceries and nothing really sounded good, so I just finished what he didn't eat- and it was good.  It didn't cause me to binge or even want to binge either- which makes me :-D (although I'm still not going to make a habit of ordering Chinese every time my hubby wants it).

For today I didn't take photos because I was really busy- but here's what I had:

Breakfast- 1 cup raisin bran crunch, 1/2 cup milk - 1 cup chai tea

Lunch- Taco Bell: fresco burrito, cheese quesadilla with no sauce - 1 med diet pepsi

Dinner- fruit salad (banana, apples, oranges, grapes, pineapple), roasted pork loin with A1, salad with carrots and red wine vinegar.

Snack- aldi fit n active fruit crisps (1.5 crackers- split a package with my son)

I will admit I picked at the fruit salad a bit while I was making it because I was pretty hungry.  We had dinner really late tonight.  Our street will be closed all week (we will have to park our cars at the end of the block and walk to our house) so I wanted to get most of my errands done today so I wasn't stuck walking with a ton of groceries a block with a baby and a toddler.  I'm so thankful I talked to my mom yesterday because she thought of that!  I totally wouldn't have and would have been really frustrated.  

I took my son to the park twice today.  The first time because I needed a break and the second time because I promised him if he was good in the store we could stop at the park on the way home.  He really deserved it too, he was very very well behaved and polite in the store.  I really didn't want to go to the park again because its cold out today, but you do what you gotta do!

Tomorrow I have a massive amount of laundry to do, and in the evening I have small group.  I still haven't figured out where going to the gym will fit in... If I can get my kids' bedtime scheduled an hour or two earlier I bet I could go after they are in bed.... We will see.  I'm going to plan out my whole day tomorrow and see if I can manage getting to the gym for 30 minutes in the morning tomorrow.  I hope so!  At least I'm getting outside and playing with my kids and walking a lot, right?

a metaphor for life

When I spoke with my counselor yesterday I told her about an important experience in my life that has been a metaphor for me reaching out and seeking help these last few months... and I want to share that metaphor with you today.

Mothers will probably understand most, but I think this can work for anyone.

When I was pregnant with my son, I found an OB, went to check-ups, knew I wanted a natural child birth, but decided to just go with the flow.  I did not like my doctor, or the office she worked for, but stayed because I didn't want to hassle with finding a new one.  When I went into labor I found myself in the hospital pretty much alone.  Yeah my boyfriend (now husband) was there, there were nurses in and out.. but I was pretty much alone.  Going through all that pain- alone.  After 8 hours of it I asked for the epidural.  I had a beautiful baby boy, but it didn't go at all how I imagined it would have.

Here they are, my beautiful gifts from God.

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I knew I wanted a natural child birth.  I researched like crazy.  Read a lot of books, watched a lot of documentaries, talked to a lot of other women.  I SOUGHT OUT the best midwifery in our city (knowing that midwives are more pro-natural birth than OB's), I chose them even though at the time I didn't know if my insurance would cover them or not because I didn't care.  I knew I needed people whose views aligned with my own, that actually CARED about my health, not a dollar in their pocket.  And they did.  They were amazing.  When I went into labor with my daughter I found myself in the hospital SURROUNDED by a room full of women who cared about me, who knew me, and who cheered me on through every. single. contraction.  And I didn't get an epidural.  I didn't even ask for one. I had a beautiful NINE POUND FOUR OUNCE baby girl without anything to NUMB THE PAIN.

I set myself up for success. I prayed to God through every contraction.  I had people there supporting me through every pain-filled minute.  The point is--- I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE.  I can't get through this by myself.  I can't succeed on my own.

When I am having a hard time with a craving, or anxiety, or something just all around crappy happens in my life-- I can't just deal with it on my own, I will reach out for that pain medication-- food.  I may be powerless over an eating disorder disease, but I CAN set myself up for success.  I have a network of support at my fingertips with my computer, I have family and friends just a phone call away, and most of all-- Jesus is right here with me, living inside of me, and I can talk to him anytime, anywhere without a dime in my pocket or even a pocket at all.  HE is the living bread I can eat and feel WHOLE and ALIVE.

Oooo I just got chills, did you?

Thank you, Lord for being my bread- for always placing the perfect people in my life.  GOD you are so FAITHFUL and amazing!  I cry out in pain and you answer my pleas... every. single. time.  Bless my journey, God and may all my successes bring glory to you!  AMEN!

food photojournal- eating disorders

Breakfast- 1 cup Raisin Bran Crunch, 1/2 cup whole milk (no pic, sorry)

Lunch- 2 ground turkey patties with a dab of ketchup, a salad with carrots and balsamic vinegar, 1/4 cup LF cottage cheese

Dinner- Subway Sub- 6 inch chicken breast w/ spinach, lettuce, tomato, onion, banana peppers, pickles, and southwest sauce (nope- no pic for this either... my son needs his own phone/game/toy type thing)

I need to address something.  I have an eating disorder.  I hate saying those words, I hate typing them.  When I say them to people who don't understand, I feel like I can feel their judgement, thoughts in my head go something like this, "She doesn't have an eating disorder, she's just fat" "She just has no self-control" etc etc etc......  I think sometimes even I believe those words.

I have something called binge eating disorder, or BED, and compulsive over-eating, or COE.  I suffer from both.  When things in my life are hard, I eat, when there is something to celebrate, I eat, when I feel stressed out- my mind automatically goes to food.  I compulse to eat- if I don't eat- I get mad anxiety.  Sort of like someone with OCD I guess, but instead of washing my hands (etc), its putting food in my mouth.

I also can go periods of time where I eat well and normally, but then something triggers me to binge.  BED is like bulimia without the purging.  Although there have been points in my life where I have starved myself (I went months just eating a can of tuna every day and lost 50 lbs), and purged after a binge (by using laxatives or forcing myself to throw up), those are things I don't deal with today-- and were things I never did for a long time.

When I binge, I'm usually alone, or just with my kids (who at this point are very young and have no idea what I'm doing and wouldn't say anything to me) I will go into the kitchen and get something to eat, sit down and eat it, go get more, eat that, go get more, eat that, until I am so full I feel sick.  Often I will try to stop myself, by saying to myself "ok, that's gone. I'm done.  No more tonight" --but its usually pointless.  I can't stop myself.  Once I've started a binge I have no control.  Much like an alcoholic.  There are certain foods that cause binges.  For me its sweets, bread, some pasta, pizza and anything like pizza (the sauce/cheese thing is just too much for my mind to handle I guess).  I learned last night that I can't have even the healthy mini pizzas (I did not binge, thanks to GOD!!! But boy did I have some massive anxiety! I was so happy to make it to the gym).  I can make them for my family, but I will have to have something else... I'm 'allergic'. I'm sure as I go on with this journey I will find more, and honestly I'm looking forward to it.  Knowing what food to avoid gives me some power in this powerless battle.

That's what I am confronting today and every day.  A disease.  I'm sick.  Thank GOD I have tools to use that can help me recover.

Learn more about COE and BED

Find Help

Overeaters Anonymous

super duper easy healthy MINI PIZZA!

OKAY!  I made these up a couple years ago after I had my first child.  We had them once a week for a long time until we got sick of them.  I know they were a big part of why I lost all the baby weight in 6 months.  Husband suggested we get the stuff to make them the other night at the store so they are making a comeback!

Oven: 350 degrees

What you'll need: 

• 1 or 2 larger cookie sheets (depending on how many people are in your family)
• A toaster
• Cooking spray (I like olive oil)
• Arnold 100% Whole Wheat sandwich thins (this will be your crust)
• Spaghetti or Pizza sauce (I prefer Ragu Light Tomato Basil)--- 1 tbsp per mini pizza
• Shredded Cheese (tonight I used shredded cheddar cheese because its all I had, honestly I ended up liking it better than mozzerella!)- 1 tbsp per mini pizza
• Toppings!  Pictured here is Turkey Pepperoni, Mushrooms, and Spinach.  (Also really good- fresh sliced tomato- although it can get soggy)

Preheat oven.  Spray your cookie sheet with cooking spray.  Toast your sandwich thins in the toaster and space them out on the sheet (toasting them keeps them from getting soggy).  Dab a tbsp of sauce on each thin.  If you are using spinach, place it on the pizza before the cheese- unless you like crispy slightly burnt spinach (yuck), then the cheese, then your toppings.  Bake for 10-20 minutes- the time will vary depending on your toppings.  I baked these about 13 minutes.  Enjoy!

These are way fun, and everyone can have what they want on their pizza!  Each pizza comes out to be just about 150 calories.

food photojournal

Breakfast- Turkey bacon, 4 slices, halved; 2 eggs, 1/4 cup greek yogurt with 1 tbsp sugar free blackberry jam, green tea

Add caption

for a snack I had apple slices, hard boiled eggs, craisins and raisins.

For Lunch (no photo, sorry!) - Romaine Salad with 3 slices of chicken, 2 ground turkey patties with ketchup, and a banana

I had another pepsi today 

Dinner- Romaine salad with carrots and balsamic vinegar for dressing, homemade mini pizzas (recipe)

LOTS of water today.  At least 12 cups already and the day isn't even over.  I didn't get a picture of my lunch because I was in a hurry and my son was watching donald duck on my phone.  I had a good day today.  I ran around outside with my son SO MUCH.  We played football, tag, and just plain rough-housed like crazy.  I think I wore him out pretty good since he decided he needed to go to bed 2 and a half hours early tonight lol.  We were planning a trip to the pumpkin patch but the weather looked bad, then we were going to go to the mall but my son decided it was bedtime.  I guess I could take this opportunity to get over to the gym, which actually sounds fantastic.  

I'm still majorly missing my coffee.  And today felt slippery (as in I felt like I was sort of losing it with wanting to make good food choices). Maybe because of the pizzas... these are way different than ordering pizza, but its still pizza and pizza is a huge trigger food for me.  I think I am sort of testing my boundaries- trying to see what I can and can't have... 

Had a great talk today with my counselor.  I feel like I'm using the tools to get the food 'wall' down so we can talk and pray about issues hiding behind them.  

Its the end of the week and I feel pretty good about it.  I'm loving this blog and I really hope I keep up with it.  The weekend is here and will be the real test because its when I struggle the most!

today's meal photojournal

Breakfast- 1 low sodium breakfast sausage patty, 2 eggs cooked inside slices of bell pepper, topped with salsa, a bowl of plain greek yogurt mixed with sugar free blackberry jam, and a cup of green tea

Lunch- Romaine salad with grilled chicken, carrots, evoo, and balsamic vinegar.  A bowl of cottage cheese (apprx 1/4 cup), half a grapefruit, one boiled egg, and a cup of green tea.  one of my eggs wouldn't peel right...

Dinner- STEAK!- super thin cut chuck steak, roasted sweet potato fries (1/2 a large potato), 1 cup peas, what was left of my green tea from lunch and water.

So for our anniversary my husband got me a bunch of stuff to do a deep conditioning treatment to my hair- so that's me with a funny heated turban on my head.  My kids napped at the same time to day so I took that time to relax and pamper myself a little bit.  Way better than sneaking crappy food while no one is looking.  

As I mentioned yesterday I had a doctor appointment today.  I was there for TWO STINKING HOURS.  I didn't eat lunch before I went because I figured I'd get home earlier than I did.  I had blood drawn and by the time I left I was starving and weak.  The receptionist was playing with my son while I was getting my blood taken and she gave him a rice crispie treat from Noodles n Co. (with my permission, I figured he was starving too).  He decided he didn't like it and on the way home I ate some.  As soon as I pulled into the driveway and parked my car I took the rest of it (over half) and threw it in our trash dumpster.  

Even though my house is full of CRAP (seriously- oreos, reeses peices, nutty bars, etc, etc, etc) because of my sugar addicted crazed husband, I resisted.  I feel good about that!

me in my funky turban.  that thing felt great on my head, I wanted to take a nap!

food photojournal and weight loss struggles

Breakfast- 2 eggs with bell pepper, garlic, onion, mushrooms, and zuch.  A banana and green tea

Lunch- Salmon, LF Cottage Cheese, 1/2 Grapefruit, Romaine salad with carrots and red wine vinegar as dressing, green tea

Snack- 2 hardboiled eggs and 1 peach

Chili made with 97% Lean ground beef, black-eyed peas, white beans, and one jar of organic salsa (I had a bowl at dinner and a bowl later)  I also had a glass of milk.

And I had a Pepsi Max after lunch 

Today went very well.  I usually can stick it out 3 or 4 days before I mess up so I am starting to feel anxious about that.  I am trying to not drink coffee... I suppose a pepsi is better than a coffee?  I miss my coffee.  Its like losing a friend almost lol.  That may sound dramatic, but I don't care.  I have a doctor appointment tomorrow regarding my depression/anxiety.  I normally have bible study in the morning and I'm trying to decide if my kids will be able to handle doing bible study then going to the doctor straight after... I'm most likely not going to bible study :-(

I worked out today.  I didn't make it to the gym, but I did most of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.  My little guy was in here with me and kept pouncing on my stomach when I was trying to do crunches and trying to crawl through my legs while I was doing jumping jacks.  He's hilarious.  He does it with me most of the time.  I have an exercise ball that I do my push-ups with because doing the push ups on the floor (I have to do girl push ups) hurts my knees too bad and he gets his basket ball and uses it as his own little ball.  He has his own handweights too.  While I was doing punches he told me "You're awesome, mommy!"  How could I not want to work out with a little motivator like that?  When he finds my dvd he even asks to put it on for him.  Makes how much he looks up to me really apparent when he does things like that, you know?  We'll have to get some other dvds to do together...

I haven't really touched on any of my past or why I'm doing this, and I'm going to go there right now... so watch out.  I had a baby about 5 months ago.  I gained 70 lbs with her, and lost about 30 of that with her birth.  I have 100 lbs to lose.  Its very hard for me to deal with this because I've been here before and lost it all.  To see that I've gained back all that weight I lost and along with it most of the crappy habits I had with it is really really frustrating.  Even more is that I've been trying so hard for 4 months now to try to lose it and haven't been successful really at all.  I figured out a few weeks ago that I need to keep carbs and sugar cut out of my diet for the most part.  And this veil of lies and excuses I've been living behind is starting to lift and slowly I'm seeing where and why I haven't been losing weight.  I've had to come to accept that I can't just have certain foods... even in moderation.  I've decided that I am allergic to them and if anyone asks why I can't have them that's my answer.

I keep nitpicking my poor husband... probably because I'm pretty anxious about how well this is going so far... anxious about my doctor appointment, anxious because I keep planning on going to the gym but don't make it, anxious because my husband just went to the store and bought a mountain of junk food... food I will be left with alone.  God help me.  I am really going to miss going to my study tomorrow...

My number one goal for tomorrow is to figure out a weekly schedule for myself so I can avoid schedule conflicts like this in the future!

healthy eating on the GO today

Breakfast- 1 fuji apple, 1 bowl of raspberry oatmeal, 1 cup green tea, 1 cup (aprx 8 oz) kefir, 1 boiled egg

Lunch- Grilled Chicken BLT salad with no dressing, 1 medium diet coke- burger king

Dinner (my phone refused to take a picture)- Subway Club- bell peppers, banana peppers, pickles, spinach, lettuce, tomato, pepper jack cheese, and southwest sauce

Snack- 1.5 banana, and I stole one of my son's chicken fingers

I did not make it to the gym today, but I did do ST this morning.  Hoping to make it to the gym tomorrow morning.

Ran a lot of errands today, had bible study this evening- hence the fast food.  I did at least sit down and eat these meals, not wolf them down in my car.

On the bright side my both my kiddos got new clothes and my car is repaired, best of all I learned about some Jesus.  We're studying a book right now that is really convicting me, sometimes its really hard to hear when you are doing things a way you shouldn't... especially when it has to do with the way you may or may not be raising your kids.  I'm so thankful for the women in my life that can help me and be wonderful role models for me.

first day of photojournaling- healthy meals!

Breakfast- coffee, grapefruit, kefir, omelet with spinach, bell peppers, mushrooms, onion, garlic, zuch, and colby jack cheese

Lunch- water, lowfat cottage cheese, peach, romaine salad with carrots, onion, bell pepper, lemon chicken breast, and red wine vinegar for dressing.

Dinner- one bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup

Snack- one budweiser

Drank lots of water today, only had one coffee, stayed low carb before dinner (oops).  Went for a walk with my baby wrapped to my chest. 
All in all I feel really good about today.  I had a hard time after dinner... I was craving chocolate pretty bad but made it through.  No I don't think the soup and the beer were the best choices but I maintained control of myself so I still feel good.
My MIL is here and has brought home pizza which is a major binge food for me so I know I'm going to struggle having that here the next day or two because there will be leftovers.  I just need to stand strong and pray like crazy.
Planning on water the rest if the night and bed shortly after I finish editing this post.

october goals

Weigh in today = 269 lbs
Lose at least 5 lbs by October 29
To drink 10 cups of water a day- 1 when I wake up, 3 before each meal
To practice deep breathing before each meal
To live a low carb lifestyle by cutting out processed sugar and flour and sticking to whole foods. 
To make it to the gym 3 times a week and work out for 30 minutes (EVEN if the kids get sick)
To walk everyday rain or shine at least 10 minutes
To do one cram ST routine before every shower (photo)

To post pics of my daily meals
To try and do one pin off my pinterest health/fitness board a week
To stay on top of my feelings and most importantly :::PRAY:::

*Photo credit my-wishful-shrinking.tumblr.com

The Purpose of this Blog

To record my journey of weightloss
To make goals and plans to attain them
To create a community of followers that will encourage and inspire me
To record my food using photos