SAHMwich : food photojournal and weight loss struggles

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

food photojournal and weight loss struggles

Breakfast- 2 eggs with bell pepper, garlic, onion, mushrooms, and zuch. A banana and green tea

Lunch- Salmon, LF Cottage Cheese, 1/2 Grapefruit, Romaine salad with carrots and red wine vinegar as dressing, green tea

Snack- 2 hardboiled eggs and 1 peach

Chili made with 97% Lean ground beef, black-eyed peas, white beans, and one jar of organic salsa (I had a bowl at dinner and a bowl later) I also had a glass of milk.

And I had a Pepsi Max after lunch

Today went very well. I usually can stick it out 3 or 4 days before I mess up so I am starting to feel anxious about that. I am trying to not drink coffee... I suppose a pepsi is better than a coffee? I miss my coffee. Its like losing a friend almost lol. That may sound dramatic, but I don't care. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow regarding my depression/anxiety. I normally have bible study in the morning and I'm trying to decide if my kids will be able to handle doing bible study then going to the doctor straight after... I'm most likely not going to bible study :-(

I worked out today. I didn't make it to the gym, but I did most of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. My little guy was in here with me and kept pouncing on my stomach when I was trying to do crunches and trying to crawl through my legs while I was doing jumping jacks. He's hilarious. He does it with me most of the time. I have an exercise ball that I do my push-ups with because doing the push ups on the floor (I have to do girl push ups) hurts my knees too bad and he gets his basket ball and uses it as his own little ball. He has his own handweights too. While I was doing punches he told me "You're awesome, mommy!" How could I not want to work out with a little motivator like that? When he finds my dvd he even asks to put it on for him. Makes how much he looks up to me really apparent when he does things like that, you know? We'll have to get some other dvds to do together...

I haven't really touched on any of my past or why I'm doing this, and I'm going to go there right now... so watch out. I had a baby about 5 months ago. I gained 70 lbs with her, and lost about 30 of that with her birth. I have 100 lbs to lose. Its very hard for me to deal with this because I've been here before and lost it all. To see that I've gained back all that weight I lost and along with it most of the crappy habits I had with it is really really frustrating. Even more is that I've been trying so hard for 4 months now to try to lose it and haven't been successful really at all. I figured out a few weeks ago that I need to keep carbs and sugar cut out of my diet for the most part. And this veil of lies and excuses I've been living behind is starting to lift and slowly I'm seeing where and why I haven't been losing weight. I've had to come to accept that I can't just have certain foods... even in moderation. I've decided that I am allergic to them and if anyone asks why I can't have them that's my answer.

I keep nitpicking my poor husband... probably because I'm pretty anxious about how well this is going so far... anxious about my doctor appointment, anxious because I keep planning on going to the gym but don't make it, anxious because my husband just went to the store and bought a mountain of junk food... food I will be left with alone. God help me. I am really going to miss going to my study tomorrow...

My number one goal for tomorrow is to figure out a weekly schedule for myself so I can avoid schedule conflicts like this in the future!

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Plan of Eating (POE)

Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is defined as "the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight. Spiritual, emotional and physical recovery is the result of living the Overeaters Anonymous Twelve-Step program.” If I have abstained from compulsive overeating, I am abstinent.

My Plan of Eating is what helps me find and maintain abstinence from compulsive overeating. My daily plan is to eat 3 meals and an optional snack without eating in between, avoid eating trigger foods, to plan my meals ahead of time, and to track my meals on my fitness pal so that I am accountable. I have a calorie goal, but that can be flexible depending on how much activity/ exercise I have had that day.

I am not perfect, I have days when I try to eat something I haven't had in a while, days where I experiement with different foods to see what I can or cannot handle. I have days where I eat compulsively, but not overeat- I am still abstinent. I have days where I didn't plan well enough and get stuck eating flour and sugar, if I didn't compulsively overeat- I'm still abstinent. If I'm sloppy with my POE I struggle more, so if I want to succeed then I try to stick with it. But not everything goes according to plan! I have to give myself grace and learn from mistakes, and pray for the willingness to stick with it.

Plan of Action

My Plan of Action is what I attempt to do daily to maintain abstinence.

Journaling/Daily Inventory

writing about my day, my feelings, praises and prayers.

Sponsorship

contacting my sponsor about what's going on with me, look for feedback and advice

Accountability Partners

friends who are in recovery with me that I can call and talk to if I need prayer, help, or just to chat and get my mind off of obsessions

Prayer

spending time with God, humbling myself, asking for my daily bread and armor

Bible Study

feeding my soul the word of God. I believe that the more I read it the more God can change me.

Meditation

spending time being quiet, allowing the Holy Spirit to move and speak to me and for me

Meetings

making going to meetings weekly a priority in my schedule

Exercise

God's natural antidepressant. Also helps me achieve a normal body weight

Proper Hygiene

getting dressed every day, doing my hair and make up every day, even if I am not leaving this house. I am a stay at home mom and it can be too easy to be lax and wear pajamas every day and not take care of myself. My body needs to be properly maintained if I am to continue life with peace and serenity

Meal Planning / Grocery Lists

important in avoiding compulsive eating/food behaviors... helps keep me on track. if my meals are planned out and the food is in the house then there is no reason for me to need to even think about it or make decisions emotionally.

Meal Tracking

on My Fitness Pal- my recovery friends are on there to keep me honest and accountable for ever bite/lick/taste. Helps me know exactly whats going in my mouth and combats mindless eating.