SAHMwich : powerless

Friday, September 6, 2013

powerless

Selfishness is at the heart of most problems between people. In what areas of your life have you been selfish? -Celebrate Recovery step study

I used to think I was the most unselfish and loving person I knew. Talk about pride and denial! I was generous so people would love me, was flexible so people wouldn't get mad at me, didn't complain so people wouldn't leave me. All it got me was a bunch of 'friends' who used/controlled me... and a lot of resentment. I never did anything unless I felt there was something in it for me.

In my marriage I have withheld love and forgiveness because I didn't feel my husband deserved it from me, which only exacerbated problems between us. I've learned that he doesn't deserve my love and forgiveness, but because Jesus loves and forgives me every day when I don't deserve it, I need to do the same in my marriage... and wow has it turned things around.

My social anxiety creates a selfishness in me, when I am so wrapped up in what I'm saying, etc, I forget to listen to the person/people I'm speaking with. Also, like many people, I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous, and I am ALWAYS nervous when I am talking to people, so I ramble a lot. I think that when I'm talking I often fear judgement so I try to cover all angles someone could take what I'm saying so that they can't criticize me or misinterpret me, and it cuts off any type of back and forth dialogue.

I'm sure I've been selfish in many other areas of my life, I'm just not fully aware of it yet. The Lord won't let me bite off more than I can chew, and I am very blessed for that.

Dear Father,

I am so selfish sometimes, I've been so prideful and I feel ashamed. You are so great to love and accept me today as I am, even when I am so imperfect and flawed, and that makes me feel so special. I have done so many things I haven't wanted to do because I felt the only way to get love was to manipulate people into giving it to me... if only I had known of your love for me then! Lord, I pray that I never forget about your love for me, that I think about that undying and uninterrupted love when someone slights me-- that I can be able to forgive those who have hurt me and love them like you do me. Please continue to do magic in my marriage and other relationships, and stay close to me through all you are walking me through.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I am currently participating in a Celebrate Recovery (a Christian-based 12 step program) Step Study. I am posting an answer to one question a week here on my blog to share. Find all my posted Lesson answers HERE.

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Plan of Eating (POE)

Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is defined as "the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight. Spiritual, emotional and physical recovery is the result of living the Overeaters Anonymous Twelve-Step program.” If I have abstained from compulsive overeating, I am abstinent.

My Plan of Eating is what helps me find and maintain abstinence from compulsive overeating. My daily plan is to eat 3 meals and an optional snack without eating in between, avoid eating trigger foods, to plan my meals ahead of time, and to track my meals on my fitness pal so that I am accountable. I have a calorie goal, but that can be flexible depending on how much activity/ exercise I have had that day.

I am not perfect, I have days when I try to eat something I haven't had in a while, days where I experiement with different foods to see what I can or cannot handle. I have days where I eat compulsively, but not overeat- I am still abstinent. I have days where I didn't plan well enough and get stuck eating flour and sugar, if I didn't compulsively overeat- I'm still abstinent. If I'm sloppy with my POE I struggle more, so if I want to succeed then I try to stick with it. But not everything goes according to plan! I have to give myself grace and learn from mistakes, and pray for the willingness to stick with it.

Plan of Action

My Plan of Action is what I attempt to do daily to maintain abstinence.

Journaling/Daily Inventory

writing about my day, my feelings, praises and prayers.

Sponsorship

contacting my sponsor about what's going on with me, look for feedback and advice

Accountability Partners

friends who are in recovery with me that I can call and talk to if I need prayer, help, or just to chat and get my mind off of obsessions

Prayer

spending time with God, humbling myself, asking for my daily bread and armor

Bible Study

feeding my soul the word of God. I believe that the more I read it the more God can change me.

Meditation

spending time being quiet, allowing the Holy Spirit to move and speak to me and for me

Meetings

making going to meetings weekly a priority in my schedule

Exercise

God's natural antidepressant. Also helps me achieve a normal body weight

Proper Hygiene

getting dressed every day, doing my hair and make up every day, even if I am not leaving this house. I am a stay at home mom and it can be too easy to be lax and wear pajamas every day and not take care of myself. My body needs to be properly maintained if I am to continue life with peace and serenity

Meal Planning / Grocery Lists

important in avoiding compulsive eating/food behaviors... helps keep me on track. if my meals are planned out and the food is in the house then there is no reason for me to need to even think about it or make decisions emotionally.

Meal Tracking

on My Fitness Pal- my recovery friends are on there to keep me honest and accountable for ever bite/lick/taste. Helps me know exactly whats going in my mouth and combats mindless eating.