SAHMwich : hope

Friday, September 20, 2013

hope

What do you believe about God? What are some of His characteristics? -CR Step Study

I believe God wants to help me and heal me, but I get in my own way. I have experienced many miracles by Him in my life, and know that when I am faithful, He shines for me. I believe his love for me is huge and unfathomable. He showed that love to me the day I let my guard down and let Him inside.

I lived for several years as an atheist, through a conversation with a friend about God I found Him. He was not lost, I was. I had said to my friend, "if God is so big, perfect and loving; where has He been through all of my the garbage I've been through?" My friend said, "but what if He was there the whole time?"

As I contemplated that question God broke into my thoughts and gave me visions of all the places in my life He had been there for me: places where I thought I had been alone in agony, where he had (literally) saved my life. Then all at once I was blasted with His love- and what affected me most- his absolute forgiveness. I had been so bad and done so much wrong, I had always felt that if God was real, he wouldn't want anything to do with me-- someone who had done many many despicable and shameful things-- but he did. He wanted me so much, a want I can't even describe with words. He had stayed with me through all the terrible things I had done, been loyal to me and waited patiently filled with love for my return to Him.

The way I came to God, what He showed me that day, made it impossible for me to deny his existence any longer. Although I have free will, I see now looking back that He put in place all these little things that softened my heart toward Him... then waited for the perfect time to welcome me back into his arms. It reminds me of the way a man charms a woman into marriage.

What is God for me? My God is my superhero. He has my back always. No matter where I am with Him, He will be there. He loves me when no one else can. He is my friend when I have none. He genuinely cares about my life and even the tiny details of it. He knows me inside and out, He spent the time to knit me together in my mother's womb. He disciplines me as a loving father would. He accepts me as his CHILD. He hurts when I do. He comforts me when I am sad. He celebrates with me when I'm happy. He finds absolute joy in surprising me with his gifts. I cannot imagine my life without Him. My God, my father, my Abba.

I am currently participating in a Celebrate Recovery (a Christian-based 12 step program) Step Study. I am posting an answer to one question a week here on my blog to share. This is from Lesson 3: Hope. You can also read my answers from Lesson 1 and Lesson 2.

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Plan of Eating (POE)

Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous is defined as "the action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight. Spiritual, emotional and physical recovery is the result of living the Overeaters Anonymous Twelve-Step program.” If I have abstained from compulsive overeating, I am abstinent.

My Plan of Eating is what helps me find and maintain abstinence from compulsive overeating. My daily plan is to eat 3 meals and an optional snack without eating in between, avoid eating trigger foods, to plan my meals ahead of time, and to track my meals on my fitness pal so that I am accountable. I have a calorie goal, but that can be flexible depending on how much activity/ exercise I have had that day.

I am not perfect, I have days when I try to eat something I haven't had in a while, days where I experiement with different foods to see what I can or cannot handle. I have days where I eat compulsively, but not overeat- I am still abstinent. I have days where I didn't plan well enough and get stuck eating flour and sugar, if I didn't compulsively overeat- I'm still abstinent. If I'm sloppy with my POE I struggle more, so if I want to succeed then I try to stick with it. But not everything goes according to plan! I have to give myself grace and learn from mistakes, and pray for the willingness to stick with it.

Plan of Action

My Plan of Action is what I attempt to do daily to maintain abstinence.

Journaling/Daily Inventory

writing about my day, my feelings, praises and prayers.

Sponsorship

contacting my sponsor about what's going on with me, look for feedback and advice

Accountability Partners

friends who are in recovery with me that I can call and talk to if I need prayer, help, or just to chat and get my mind off of obsessions

Prayer

spending time with God, humbling myself, asking for my daily bread and armor

Bible Study

feeding my soul the word of God. I believe that the more I read it the more God can change me.

Meditation

spending time being quiet, allowing the Holy Spirit to move and speak to me and for me

Meetings

making going to meetings weekly a priority in my schedule

Exercise

God's natural antidepressant. Also helps me achieve a normal body weight

Proper Hygiene

getting dressed every day, doing my hair and make up every day, even if I am not leaving this house. I am a stay at home mom and it can be too easy to be lax and wear pajamas every day and not take care of myself. My body needs to be properly maintained if I am to continue life with peace and serenity

Meal Planning / Grocery Lists

important in avoiding compulsive eating/food behaviors... helps keep me on track. if my meals are planned out and the food is in the house then there is no reason for me to need to even think about it or make decisions emotionally.

Meal Tracking

on My Fitness Pal- my recovery friends are on there to keep me honest and accountable for ever bite/lick/taste. Helps me know exactly whats going in my mouth and combats mindless eating.